This picture is not a mistake. Really, it’s not. Let me explain.

I have been sharing the “word for this year” fad, and the fact that the Lord had finally given me one this year….courage.  I have also shared that there is nothing “magic” about having a “word”, it doesn’t cause anything, change anything, or guarantee anything.  It’s just simply someone’s idea a few years ago to give people a goal or attribute that they can focus on.

Unfortunately, this concept has been distorted and misused to the point that it is no longer being used for its intended purpose. Every year it gets more elaborate.  People now rush to choose their word before the end of a year, whether it is a valid idea or not.  There are now necklaces, bracelets, headbands, bookmarks, everything available to have “your” word engraved or sewn on.  Beautiful slogans accompany these:  “Wear your word close to your heart”.  “Share your word with others by wearing this gorgeous bracelet”.  Etc, etc. All sweet and pretty and delicate and designed to let everyone know your word and how to get their own.

As stated above, my word this year is courage.  Courage.  As in, no fear.  Brave.  Bold and new.  Trusting God as never before.  But let me tell you….there has been nothing pretty or sweet about my experience!  I made my first “mistake” by writing down Scripture verses about courage, and finding out that I was going to be in WAY over my head with this subject.  Courage in the Bible is not instant, but it is to be desired to the point that fear is conquered and God is honored.  It is FIERCE.  It is almost always used in battle or dangerous situations.  It is not a delicate word for a delicate necklace…it is a battle cry.  It is complex, and it is deep.  And it has slapped me in the face more times than I can count since God gave it to me.  God has shown me so many places that I have been in a rut, comfortable, and not really growing.  He has turned the spotlight on a lot of different areas, and I have not been proud of what I have seen.

So, I have struggled to live out this word this year.  In the big and the small.  I have changed little things, like eating habits, and I have changed big things, like giving up a small business I thought I needed to supplement our income, but which proved to be a mistake.  I have let God remind me (over and over) that I have been doing a lot of “helping” His plan and provision for my life, and not paying attention to what He was actually wanting to accomplish.  I am also working..sometimes on an hourly basis..to surrender my future to His agenda and not mine.

And the point of the picture above?  In a free self defense class recently, I found a new passion that fits in perfectly with GOD’S plan for me, not mine!  One thing He has shown me is that my physical wellbeing had been shoved to a far corner of my life…very far.  I have always approached exercise as a thing to be dreaded, or at the very least just tolerated, in some sporadic attempts to “get in shape”.  And my consistency has been sad to say the least.  But no more!  I am now a student of self defense…officially known as “krav maga”.  I am in love with it.  Forty five minutes twice a week, late in the evening no less, and I LOVE IT.  I EAGERLY leave the house to drive to it.  I am invested in money and time and I wouldn’t change it for the world!

Why?  Because.  Because the classes are all about protection and learning not to be a victim, but they are about WAY more than that.  I am learning confidence, and trust, and the ability to practice and persevere until a skill is learned.  It is fun, and my muscles and joints are loving being used in so many different ways.  It’s tough, but for all the right reasons.  And I am encouraged by my fellow students, all of whom have been doing it much longer than me.  It’s amazing.  But more than that, it is all about COURAGE.  And for me, it has also brought Scripture passages to life, especially the ones on spiritual armor and spiritual warfare.  Just as I am getting used to new equipment and how to use it, I am being reminded that I have weapons for spiritual battles that have gotten way too much “dust” on them.  And as I learn that I have so much to learn in protecting my physical body, I have even MORE than that to learn about spiritual protection.  The similarities are amazing, and as I build confidence in my earthly abilities, I am also being reminded by God of my spiritual abilities through Him.

Courage….what an amazing word!  How grateful I am God is using this word in my life, and how awesome is His willingness to always teach us new things, and to give us power and authority through HIM to face each day with confidence.  I’ve got my gloves…do you??

“You said You’d be there to share all my sorrows; You said You’d be there for all my tomorrows;

I came so close to sending you away,But just like you promised, You came there to stay; I just had to pray…

And Jesus said, Come to the water, stand by my side; I know you are thirsty, you won’t be denied.

I felt every tear drop, when in darkness you cried; and I strove to remind you, that for those tears I died.”

This old hymn says it best, don’t you think?There have been struggles this year that have worn me down. Facing obstacles that stand and shout “YOU CAN’T BEAT ME!!” has been exhausting and time consuming. Grief has entered where it was not welcome, when people who I thought wouldn’t die now in fact did. Financial issues, health issues, etc have all been part of this landscape. And here’s what I have to say:

Only Jesus.

Can I say it again? Only Jesus. There is no other explanation on this earth that can EVER explain how anyone ever gets through these situations.

Sometimes, I dance around “in your face” gospel sharing..I try the gentle, persuasive, and happier approaches. I mention answered prayers, healing, protection in situations, etc. And there’s nothing wrong with that, unless it’s the only view I allow others to see of my walk with the Lord. It’s almost like I want to wait until they know Jesus to let them see the hard stuff.

But sometimes, Only Jesus. I just need to get down off any pedestals of my own sharing and just stand in a cleared off space and shout: “No! I am NOT handling this or anything else on my own! I am NOT capable. I have been beaten up, slammed down and frustrated by everything! Please don’t think it’s me, because ONLY JESUS!!

When I am there I know tears are freely flowing, and I am not standing in some polite, refined prayer pose. I am on the floor, pounding on it, crying out to the only One who created me, knows me, and loves me infinitely. I am unconcerned with how this looks..I am just being completely utterly REAL.

Which leads to this:

Dear world that does not know Jesus, I don’t know how you do it. I really can’t begin to understand. I know that I was a sinner, separated from God, and that the only hope I had was Jesus Christ and His death on the cross, which paid the penalty for my sin, and made me righteous in His sight. I know that because of His resurrection and triumph over death, that I can have victory THROUGH Him living in my life.

And THAT is the ONLY way that I survive. That’s the only reason I can ugly cry at the death of loved ones and still leave knowing that they have victory. The only reason I can face giants and win. Maybe with scars and bruises, but still a win. The only way that I can face eternity because I know I will live with Him forever.

THAT is the real Christian life. That times will be tough, struggles will be real, defeats will happen, and death will come. And only Jesus. Period. If you do not know Him, please seek out someone who does, and who can lead you to Him. Because in the end, it’s ONLY JESUS! Amen.