challenge

Go Slay Some Dragons!

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DSCN0059This picture is from one of our favorite vacation spots in Tennessee -it is the Dragon’s Tail motorcycle route, with 318 curves in 11 miles.  In a car, that’s not a big deal, but on a motorcycle, it’s a WOW!  Robert and I have done it twice, and loved each time. It is also known for the daredevils it attracts, and the wipeouts they have riding through because of speed and recklessness.

And outside the restaurant/gift shop is this bad boy, with a chain around his collar, looking very calm and innocent.  It is easy to have a great big smile knowing the dragon is not real, and cannot harm me.

However, there are real “dragons” in life – and they are NOT tame!  There is real fear connected with them, and there are real battles being waged against them.  The dragons of failure, worry, financial hardship, work issues, change, and instability are just a few that chase us in our daily lives.  And the dragon of unemployment is my current one.  There is also the REAL dragon, the spiritual one, that we call satan – and right now he is not contained and he “prowls about about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (I Peter 5:8)  Doesn’t seem like we have much of a chance, some days, to survive, much less live a victorious life for Jesus.

AND YET!  God is over ever present help in times of trouble, and HE has promised us that if we allow it, He will not only assist us in the battle, He will actually do the battling for us, if we will just trust in HIM (2 Chronicles 20:15). And we won’t face wipeouts, if we do it His way.  So, as I face this uncertain time right now, I believe I will follow the advice that I give a favorite pastor friend of mine, and go slay some dragons! To God be the glory for the victory He gives us through Himself!

A Million Dollar Mouth!

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Big-Smiley-Face[1]

Well, ok, maybe not a million dollars – but a lot!  I am going this afternoon to have my 9th – yes NINTH! – permanent crown put in.  I broke this latest tooth two days after losing my job, and it joins a long list of other dental expenses.  I started thinking yesterday about how much money has actually been invested in my mouth.  Nine crowns x $1,700 each (approx) equals an amazing $15,300.  Add to that 2 cleanings a year at approximately $70 per cleaning through the years, and that totals around $3,500 over the past 54 years. Not even adding in original fillings, those crumbling with time, and new fillings!  Plus those tacky braces when I was a teenager, which adds about $3,000 to the total.  That’s around $22,000 invested in keeping my mouth healthy, my smile pretty, and my eating abilities intact!  And how about the money spent on breath fresheners, toothpaste, mouthwash? Or if I ever flirted with whitening those teeth…well you get the picture.

During my quiet time last night,the Lord spoke to my heart and I wondered – how much “expense” (effort) have I put into keeping the WORDS from this mouth clean, pretty, and healthy?  Ouch!  The Bible has a lot to say about our words – a LOT- and I was greatly convicted by the contrast in sacrifice and expense between my physical mouth and my spiritual mouth.

One of the first verses I learned as a child was Psalm 19:14 – “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in Your sight…..”  Psalm 17:3 also addresses this issue “I have purposed that my mouth will not trangress…”  And I could list the other references and fill up the remainder of this page.

So, as I experience the thrill of dental work yet again today, I am asking God to continue reminding me of HIS desire for my mouth..and to continue His work in keeping those words from it “with grace, seasoned” (Colossians 4:6), so that my “and yet!” God can continue to use me in spite of my weaknesses.  Amen!

Still unemployed??

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unnamed[1] (14)This picture cracked me up when I saw it the other day, and I knew it belonged in a blog – and today seems appropriate!  It is a picture of baby owls, and can I ever relate to how they look!  A little frazzled, a little confused, and precariously perched out on a limb.

Exactly one month ago today, at 4:45 pm, I entered into the world of unemployment.  And I have to say – I was SO naive.  I thought that surely by now I would be happily at work in another position, learning new stuff, meeting new friends, and making money.  And, of course, I am not!

Asking people for advice/comments/input when you are unemployed is a lot like calling the IRS for help.  You can call 15 times, and get 15 different answers to ONE tax question!  Same with this.  It is amazing and also kinda sad and hilarious all at the same time.  “Keep your chin up”.  “I heard about this great new job at (fill in the blank) and have you been to see them?”  “Have you gone for job counseling yet?”  “Did you get professional help with your resume?” And on it goes. Now many people telling me this are genuine friends, sincere in their desire to help, and I appreciate all of them.  But if I were to follow it all I would either wind up as President of a major corporation or in jail after strangling the next person that offered advice!

AND YET!  The God who created these adorable creatures also created them to grow up into majestic, soaring birds, who have become forever immortalized in the saying “wise as an owl”.  And the Bible tells me that he knows them all, feeds them, and knows when one of them falls (Matthew 6:26)!  And as the end of that verse says, how much more does He care for me?

So, watch out world!  This cute and fuzzy ball of unemployed me is about to grow up, take off, and soar like a, well, owl!  And it will all be on the wind and wings provided by my “and yet!” God!  To Him be the glory, forever!

Five Years….Really?

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“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”  I have been asked that in several interviews/applications, and my first thought is, really??  I know the question is supposed to give the interviewer some clue about your motivations, plans, goals, etc.  But it is also one that puts the one who is answering in a huge predicament.  We all know that the correct answer is “working faithfully to provide for my family, always seeking to rise in the job I am in, and reaching high goals.”  However, my faith and my walk with Jesus causes me to want to answer, “I don’t know because Jesus hasn’t told me yet!”  Or, “I don’t know, because nothing in life is sure or certain.”

I have lived long enough to lose childhood friends to disease and accidents.  I see every day that life is being valued less and less.  According to the news, the economy is constantly teetering on the verge of disaster and the price of gas is going back up.  And in my own life, had I answered that question 3 1/2 years ago, I would have answered it wrong…because I would have said working there until I retired – and look how that turned out!

Honestly, the answer is truly, I don’t know.  In an ideal world, I will be healthy, productive,and doing ministry through whatever avenue that God gives me, and working to provide for those goals.  In God’s plan for my life, I don’t know.  AND YET!  I am not distraught or upset by that!  Knowing that He has promised that He will care for me, that He will never leave me, and that He has a hope and a future for me (Jeremiah 29:11) keeps me content and focused on living the life that He has given me TODAY, and letting tomorrow, next month, or 5 years from now take care of itself!

So….I am have been challenged in answering that question – and maybe you have been too – but to live in a world of uncertainty is not a bad place, when you know the ONE who has the answers, and the power to make them happen!

Denied, but NOT Defeated!

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DSCN0113Okay, so today the score is unemployment 2, me 0.  Or so it appears.  I got my denial letter today for my unemployment benefits,and if you’ve never had the pleasure of getting one of those, it is NOT an ego booster.  At all.  It is rather a reminder of all that you don’t have now (paycheck) and why you don’t have it!  And it seems on that paper that it also says, “by the way, no one cares”.  It doesn’t really, but that is how it can feel.

I also got the news today that the job that I interviewed for on Monday was offered to someone else.  Sigh.  It was one that I was really interested in, somewhere I have always wanted to work and something I have always wanted to do. It was not, however, in God’s plan for me. So, I took myself to the Dept. of Labor and filled out appeal paperwork for the denial, and turned in yet another application at another company, and will buy another Sunday paper and hope for an ad.

AND YET!  God continues to pour out his blessings.  We received our income tax money today and I also received the money from my 401K – which turned out to be MUCH more than I thought (I had not looked at my last statement apparently).  He continues to show me that He will fulfill His promise in Matthew 6:28-29 “Observe how the lilies of the field grow, they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory did not clothe himself like one of these.”

SO!  I am still loved and cared for by my amazing Lord, and He has not forgotten me.  And He has a plan to provide for me until I go home to be with Him.  Take that, unemployment, and turn that score around to unemployment 2, and me 1 very big God!

No Comparisons Please!

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I had a most interesting conversation with someone this week.  A friend’s husband hugged me, and asked if I was still unemployed.  I said, “gratefully yes”.  And before I could explain what I meant – that God was taking care of me, and I was learning to be grateful in ALL circumstances – his wife retorted “Well, you must not be REALLY unemployed!”  And she spoke from some experience, because they are currently experiencing unemployment as well.

My first response was, really?? although I did not say that out loud.  But I thought Is Robert and mine’s unemployment less upsetting and frustrating because it’s me, and not him, as in their family? Are our bills any less paid than theirs, and does it really even matter?  The hunt for a job is the same, whether you made $40,000 a year or $12,000….it’s still a hunt.  And it is still aggravating and unnerving all the same.

Later that day, as I was still mulling this over, I realized it was not the issue of no job that was bothering me, it was the comparison!  I was reminded of when my Dad died, and my sister and I quickly tired of the comparisons to other people’s grief..”at least he didn’t suffer” or “at least you had him for a long time”.  Equally not true and not helpful.

God made each of us differently, with different talents, abilities, and most importantly, different losses and suffering, and different reactions to those!  Just because I am not sulking, or having a pity party, or having more than anyone in a situation, does not mean that I don’t feel.  I am being positive about this experience as much as possible, because that’s the way God made me and that’s where I am spiritually.  When a huge flash of lightening and thunder occurred at church last night, several adults in our Bible study were afraid, while others were not.  That’s just the way God made us.

So if you and I react differently to hardship, great!  My “and yet!” God is working on behalf of all His children, and I believe He would much prefer us to follow this verse: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15).  I want to make that my goal!

The Gift of Time

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I have been unemployed now for exactly three weeks and two days, not by choice, and I always thought that would be a horrible thing.  I was wrong.  There are some down sides of course – lack of money being the major one.  But there are some surprising things that are actually beneficial!  I have been given this incredible gift of time…just marvelous, wonderful time to rest, regroup, and really decide what shape my life is in, and whether or not I like what I see.  I have this unique time to not have a schedule, not be always going and doing.

And the best part is that I have time with my family!  Robert has only been retired since October of last year, and we had not really been able to “celebrate” that together.  I have to tell you, he is still an awesome guy, and God has given us this opportunity to enjoy each other’s company fulltime.  My Mom and I have also spent a lot more time together – and since she is 74, that is really a gift!  I have learned more about what is going on in her life, and have been able to help her so much more than I have in a long time.

So yes, I am not being paid, and that is not fun.  Nor is the process of searching for a new job, and feeling like I am not fully contributing to our personal economy and/or society.  It is very humbling to be asked why you were let go, and to feel “less than” because of it.  AND YET!  God has a purpose in everything, and He is gracious to His children in all circumstances.  He also has good in everything, and I am blessed and encouraged every day because of that.  To Him be the glory!

The blessing of “no”

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I do not handle rejection well.  As a matter of fact for a lot of my life, I was a nonstop people pleaser, all because of a deep seated fear of being rejected.  And the word “no” was on my hit list too…I related it to rejection and hearing it was always a source of discouragement for me.

However, with the Lord’s help, I have gotten much better in recent years with accepting that word, and not taking it as personally.  In fact I have learned that “no” is really God’s way of protecting me in a lot of circumstances.  But sometimes He doesn’t just have to shut a door for me, he has to close it AND lock it, and that’s where “no” comes in!

So as I fill out applications, print out and mail resumes, make phone calls, and have interviews in an effort to find my next position, I am experiencing a lot of “no”.  As in no response, no thank you, and no, that position has been filled.  And it is not really any easier to hear than it used to be.  What IS easier is that I am making every effort to keep in mind that God is the one in control, and that He already knows not only my eternal future, but my immediate future.  Every “no” means its not right for me, and He is already providing a new position for me where I can serve, be productive, and learn and grow.

Until then, I will rest and let my “and yet!” God work on my behalf, and I will trust that when the “yes” finally comes, it will be the perfect answer.  To God be the glory!

Going to the Source

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My husband, Robert, is a coffee lover from WAY back, and I know better than to bother him until he has had at least one cup of coffee in the morning.  However, he is an extreme lover of dark coffee – French Roast being his favorite.  And we have the grind/brew machine because that “tastes SO much better!”.  I, on the other hand, will not touch the stuff.  But as the grocery shopper, it is my duty to keep our “low coffee” light (lol!) from being on in the cabinet.

I was in good shape with the whole bean french roast coffee pictured below until….one of our local stores closed, and the one left open does not sell whole bean…of any kind.  Our local Walmart is not dependable – sometimes yes, sometimes no, and when I can find it, not always in his brand or flavor.

So, we received an email from this company, to order directly from their site – with a discount first offer, of course.  And this is what arrived in the mail yesterday – TWO 36 oz bags – humongous bags! – of his brand, his flavor!!  Oh, happy day!

And last night, God spoke to me very clearly about this.  I was frustrated, aggravated, and majorly disappointed as I struggled to find what I needed in the wrong places!  I was also settling for what I could get from them – and not enjoying the full benefits of what I could find AT THE SOURCE.  But now, bliss!  No frustration, no aggravation, and plenty!  Which is SO like my life!  So many times I personally struggle and get frustrated and aggravated trying to fill my needs with what the world has to offer – and I settle too many times for what I can get.  AND YET!  I have a SOURCE of all good things – all wonderful things – all I could want!  And when I go to the SOURCE, I live in a land of peace and abundance, AND there’s no shipping and handling!  I believe I will start receiving from that SOURCE more, and live the way He desires!

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Challenged, but not defeated!

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“Do not be anxious for your life, as to what you will eat, or what you will drink; nor for your body as to what you will put on…..” Matthew 6:25.  Or, might I add now, as to what you will drive!  Exactly 18 days from the date of receiving my pink slip, I am receiving notice from my car that it is ready to cause us some major repair work.  It is 9 years old, and I have driven it for 6, and it has 150,000 miles on it.  So..its probably time.  But  my first response was so spiritual – really, Lord???

AND YET!  My God, who owns the cattle on a thousand hills, is already making it clear how He is providing and taking care of ALL my needs.  I have 401K money (not a huge amount) that I can access since leaving my job and a 10% penalty on that is going to be very small.  Plus, I picked up our taxes today, and praise Him, we actually do not OWE but a very small amount this year, and we are getting back a very nice amount from the state.  Hallelujah!  That, plus the trade in on my car will give us a very reasonable payment for the car that He provides.  So, unemployment + newer car payment = not a problem for my “and yet!” God!  May He receive all the glory, and may He use my next car to help me minister and work in places I never dreamed about!