rejection

Just Give it Up!

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I am not generallly a person who bears a grudge, and I find forgiving others is usually not a problem.  HOWEVER..I am not as good at asking forgiveness.  Saying I’m sorry does NOT come easily.  It is scary, and nerve wracking, and generally not something we rush to.  But if I only offer forgiveness to others, but don’t asked for it myself, I am only practicing half of what God intended.

I was able yesterday, with the Lord orchestrating the whole event, to have an opportunity to ask for forgiveness from someone that I had terribly wronged 4 1/2 years ago.  I told you I am slow at this.  But I wronged someone that I see about 3 times a week in various places, and over the last 4 1/2 years, we have been cordial – but there has always been this unspoken “thing” between us.

We are studying forgiveness in Wednesday night Bible study, and God has been convicting the hound out of me each week.  So last night, I sucked it up and apologized, sincerely, and asked for forgiveness  What an experience!  They had already forgiven me, but the hug didn’t come until I owned up to what I had done and how wrong I had been!  And the relief I felt was SO worth all the struggle!

I don’t say this to pat myself on the back, because I don’t deserve it.  I am sharing this to say……apologizing is not NEARLY as hard as the anticipation of having to do it!  The enemy has lied to us to have great fear – of humilliation, of rejection, of being seen as weak – andi is robbing us of the joy of reconilication with our brothers and sisters!

AND YET!  God so loved me that He died for me, when I didn’t even know or care what He had done (Romans 5:8)  And he commands us to ask to apologize to each other so that there will be unity in our fellowship (Epheaians 4:31) and for our health (Hebrews 12:15).

So, I say this morning – GIVE IT UP!  Give up the fear, the dread, and the pride!  Give up your need to be right, and admit your wrong to whoever needs to hear you say it!  Give up the feeling of “that happened so long ago it doesn’t matter”!  It does, and God always wants us to deal with it!  To Him be the glory and honor as we learn to love each other more!

Denied, but NOT Defeated!

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DSCN0113Okay, so today the score is unemployment 2, me 0.  Or so it appears.  I got my denial letter today for my unemployment benefits,and if you’ve never had the pleasure of getting one of those, it is NOT an ego booster.  At all.  It is rather a reminder of all that you don’t have now (paycheck) and why you don’t have it!  And it seems on that paper that it also says, “by the way, no one cares”.  It doesn’t really, but that is how it can feel.

I also got the news today that the job that I interviewed for on Monday was offered to someone else.  Sigh.  It was one that I was really interested in, somewhere I have always wanted to work and something I have always wanted to do. It was not, however, in God’s plan for me. So, I took myself to the Dept. of Labor and filled out appeal paperwork for the denial, and turned in yet another application at another company, and will buy another Sunday paper and hope for an ad.

AND YET!  God continues to pour out his blessings.  We received our income tax money today and I also received the money from my 401K – which turned out to be MUCH more than I thought (I had not looked at my last statement apparently).  He continues to show me that He will fulfill His promise in Matthew 6:28-29 “Observe how the lilies of the field grow, they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory did not clothe himself like one of these.”

SO!  I am still loved and cared for by my amazing Lord, and He has not forgotten me.  And He has a plan to provide for me until I go home to be with Him.  Take that, unemployment, and turn that score around to unemployment 2, and me 1 very big God!

The blessing of “no”

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I do not handle rejection well.  As a matter of fact for a lot of my life, I was a nonstop people pleaser, all because of a deep seated fear of being rejected.  And the word “no” was on my hit list too…I related it to rejection and hearing it was always a source of discouragement for me.

However, with the Lord’s help, I have gotten much better in recent years with accepting that word, and not taking it as personally.  In fact I have learned that “no” is really God’s way of protecting me in a lot of circumstances.  But sometimes He doesn’t just have to shut a door for me, he has to close it AND lock it, and that’s where “no” comes in!

So as I fill out applications, print out and mail resumes, make phone calls, and have interviews in an effort to find my next position, I am experiencing a lot of “no”.  As in no response, no thank you, and no, that position has been filled.  And it is not really any easier to hear than it used to be.  What IS easier is that I am making every effort to keep in mind that God is the one in control, and that He already knows not only my eternal future, but my immediate future.  Every “no” means its not right for me, and He is already providing a new position for me where I can serve, be productive, and learn and grow.

Until then, I will rest and let my “and yet!” God work on my behalf, and I will trust that when the “yes” finally comes, it will be the perfect answer.  To God be the glory!